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| photo by Chris OBrien |
"Almost all of our relationships begin and most of them continue as forms of mutual exploitation, a mental or physical barter, to be terminated when one or both parties run out of goods. "
W. H. Auden
I can't figure out what to do, nothing's working to make her feel better. She doesn't understand that her pain causes my pain. The arguments seem to go nowhere and I can't decipher what it is that she wants. Is it more love? I would give her more than I even have if she would only say so.
She mentions her ex. Stabbing me, twisting the knife, pouring salt on the wound while I pretend as if it's nothing to me. In the back of my mind, it almost feels like she's playing with me, letting me get so high on love to see my descent.
I want to talk this out peacefully but these word loaded weapons are automatic... and they're starting fires around us.
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| photo by Benjamin J. DeLong |
We've come close to calling it quits a few times now. Although each time we return from that threshold, it's hard not to see where this is going. I'm trying to hold the columns the relationship was built on in place while watching them slowly disintegrate.
I thought I was what was best for her. I thought that's what I saw in her eyes. She was the one I saw my life with so it baffles me when she says I don't care. There must be something lost in translation.
We're sliding down a slippery slope with everything burning down around us and I'm frustrated that we couldn't grow past these problems.
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| photo by Robert S. Donovan |
I saw this night coming. Sitting here in this room, seeing all these things that created memories for us, hearing you walk away, hoping that this is just another false alarm. How will this fix anything? Come back... it's cold...
To be continued...
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hope this journal-esque format is working :S
