Wednesday, September 26, 2012

An Epistle to Me Circa 5 Years Ago

This is you in 5 years. You're 24 now, bones creaking, bad back and exaggerating slightly. Life isn't exactly amazing but hey, we're not dead.You still live with your family but at least we've finally moved. The house is really nice. Your room's much bigger. The yard is dangerous to your health but we never spend much time outside anyway. You're unemployed but you have had some employment over the years. Your love life: well.... You generally have even less figured out at this point or maybe life is just more complicated.

You rarely drink now. I guess it was just a college thing. You do graduate in 2009 but after an additional summer semester. You couldn't afford to be one of those career students anyway. You fail the class of the first teacher you ever truly dislike. You hate your degree now too. You've effectively not used it since you graduated. All those letters you send out for jobs don't help. Maybe send more. Maybe sooner.

You'll have one girlfriend in the 5 years and it'll be long distance... again. It won't last long but you never ask for much so you don't regret the experiential surplus. You've suppressed most of whatever romanticism was left in you and haven't sought a relationship since. You're trying to figure out you. You'll see a movie called "500 Days of Summer" it becomes your favourite. Along with others like 'High Fidelity', 'J'eux D'enfants', 'Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind' and 'Garden State'. It takes a while for you to notice a pattern. Nowadays you crush on women you'll never have a relationship with but you're OK with this. At least you won't ever misplace hopes, you just appreciate the beauty from afar. Tragic, maybe, but you'll understand why.

You've gotten even more reclusive now being away from some of the great people you met in what you'll consider the best 3 years of your life. Nowadays you use fancy words like "introversion" and "introspection" a lot. Going out any at all takes a chunk out of whatever you have saved but you do it anyway. Good on ya. It keeps you sane. Most of the people you know have spread all over the Western Hemisphere. Migrated, working or furthering their education. Old classmates are having kids and getting married too. Crazy ass people.

You start a blog. This one, in fact. It's beautiful and pretty creative, at least to you. It's not read by a whole lot of people but it's your baby. You promise never to completely abandon it and you haven't. You haven't added to it recently but it's always on your mind. You decided to take a 1 month break a while back. It's been 7 months. You have plans now though and this is the first of it all.

You'll buy yourself a pretty great camera in 2010. Not quite a DSLR but it's a start. It has 20X zoom, which is the most amazing thing at the time. No, you've never used it to spy on anybody. Your skills develop gradually and you learn an amazing amount but you haven't met that standard you set for yourself quite yet. You'll continue to master your tool anyway. You'll meet some pretty cool people because of photography. At least online.

One of the jobs you get is as a teacher. I know and yes, I know.Teaching is as bad as you thought it would be but just as you thought, you learned a lot from the whole experience. You dislike teenagers in general even less now. It's weird working alongside the persons who taught you in the realm of awkwardness that was your high school and you never really get comfortable there. It's only temporary so as soon as you're free, you run. You try not to look back but it feels like that place pulls you back in. It's hard to avoid it.

By now you're pretty much convinced you have ADD but you've powered through that and read around 5 books this year so far. A new record! You'll soon add some more to that too, I'm sure. Maybe you'll write some more - create more in general. That's the plan at least.

You're half on a panic attack every time you truly look at the state of your life though. It's hard. Your mind feels like a storm sometimes. but you're still here and you can still make some big change or choice or... something. After all, you're 24 now. That should mean something, right?

I should probably close with some advice. You won't follow it but it won't hurt to write it down anyway. Nothing specific, just general life stuff: Smile more. You'll be able to do that on demand by the time you have to take your graduation picture. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Stop being so calculated and exaggerate a little now and then. Sleep more but wake up before noon. Eat more fruits and vegetables. Remember the mantra: "This too shall pass".

See you in 5 years,

Now Playing
Frank Ocean - 'White'

"...I forget 23, like I forget 17...", Frank Ocean's pretty cool. You'll like him


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