Friday, November 23, 2012


A poem! Haven't finished one of these in years. No preview 4 you !!!!!!!!

feather and water
feather and water by Paul G

A poem! Haven't finished one of these in years. No preview 4 you !!!!!!!!

I'm drawn to the bird with the broken wing
Its ruffled feathers imply rare vulnerability
It's bittersweet songs permeate my mind
This therapy I've developed is my applause
I provide splints and care for songs I'd never sing

Eventually, it'll heal and fly again
They never stay
I wouldn't want them to
My time for a stain on their memories
I provide the splints and care to not be forgotten

Now Playing - Blackbird by The Beatles 

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Treading Water

Who pays attention to these tweets?

I love AlunaGeorge's 'Your Drums, Your love' music video. The subject of which is two people of questionable romantic status who run into each other at an art gallery featuring work from Arran Gregory. It just so happened that everyone else there appeared to be choreographed dancers, popping and locking and framing the couple. The contrast between the dancers and the subtler movements of the two main players was enjoyable and never too distracting to me. Aluna's dress, on the other hand, actually drew my attention a few times watching the video. Along with the forced perspective necklace, shoes and bag all of which she wore damn well.

Of course, I connect with the song itself too. Not because I can directly relate to the singer's point of view but because I knew someone who probably could. These words could have been directed my way. One doesn't build an ego from such things though. It's a heavy feeling and not one I readily invite.

I think I've seen this song silently play out. Most people retrospectively recognize the one that got away. But I've been in, what I'm sure is, a rare situation where I realized what I could possibly be letting go of before it happened. Yet I still let it happen. I was scared. Fear is an emotion that has destroyed many an opportunity in my life. So... nothing new, really.

I'm sorry, happy belated

Monday, October 29, 2012

The Perks of Good Behaviour

"He was on his best behaviour, but that wasn't  good enough."

That's the prompt I've been mostly thinking about writing on for the past few weeks. I've put words down, edited, scrapped, ignored and given up on what I wrote. I haven't figured out how to make a narrative appear and I still don't think I fully understand the concept of prose but I did attempt both. Whatever follows is just whatever flowed from my mind, later organized for verbal cohesiveness with as little deletion as I could bear.

He finds himself pacing the floor. As he paces either his hands are containing something unseen coming from his head or his fingers feeling around for air like a crawling bug's legs. Every thought buried at the back of his mind appears to be fighting to escape their box as if reacting to Pandora's presence. It's like he finally ran out of space to suppress them in. This creates noise in his head. An unequivocal cacophony. Sometimes he presses himself against the burglar bars on the single window in his bedroom. Because, obviously, it's the freshest air there is and there's no other way to get to it. He googles "panic attack" and is somewhat relieved at his discovery, he's not unique. Then he has another.

He doesn't know what to do with his life. He can't afford the college he applied to and doesn't know how to call it off. He has an anxiety attack every time he thinks of calling Canada to figure out how. The fees are due next week. He has an attack whenever he thinks of how his degree feels useless to him. He's attacked every time he sees no marketable skills to put on his resume. Just promise and he doesn't know how to wield that.

In an effort to shut the noise out, his phone has been in flight mode since Thursday. It's Monday. He doubted anybody would call anyway but his phone is capable of other means of contact and since he still wants to listen to music, off isn't an option. He needs to hear Kendrick's new album on the go between his room and the kitchen. Sometimes even as far as the back yard. He didn't want to go anywhere else for a while. Kendrick's a great storyteller.

He hasn't been on facebook. He hasn't been on twitter. He's kept every chat app he has closed. Seeing people living with any modecum of purpose despite not having life figured out while he just sits there depresses him. Thinking about the obvious responses to his quagmire depresses him too so he'll just have none of that. Any of that. He visits tumblr though. Nobody bothers him there as he curates what he perceives to be beautiful things. He did notice via email that someone he values DM'ed needing a book returned but that's it. In retrospect, that book could be helping him too. Regardless he hopes they can shift their paradigm.

He decides that he would open up channels of communication on meeting an ultimatum. Only after he acted on this prompt. The one he said he would. That's the only way he can motivate himself these days, with an conditions, and even that only works sometimes. Nobody pushed him in general very much. He was never a nuisance and was easily out of mind. Although he doesn't blame others completely for his outcome.

He was on his best behaviour, but that wasn't good enough. He always was. Despite good behaviour never getting him anything besides patronizing. It never let him make mistakes. He didn't get the chance to learn from the errors and become a fully functioning adult.  At least this one thing will be done. Who knows, maybe somebody actually wanted to reach him these past days with something that doesn't make him angry. He's easily angered nowadays but he doesn't quite know why.

Now Playing 'Red Face' - Lucy Rose

I still haven't quite figured paragraphs out

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Stay Open

NSFW I guess. Sex & whatnot

Yes! Soft sweet slow song Sunday still exists. This time I'm featuring Rhye's 'Open'. This was set as the next song in the series after the one month break seven months ago. Apparently it's been used by Victoria Secret since then. However it was used, I'm sure it was aptly sexy.

I want to make love to this song

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

An Epistle to Me Circa 5 Years Ago

This is you in 5 years. You're 24 now, bones creaking, bad back and exaggerating slightly. Life isn't exactly amazing but hey, we're not dead.You still live with your family but at least we've finally moved. The house is really nice. Your room's much bigger. The yard is dangerous to your health but we never spend much time outside anyway. You're unemployed but you have had some employment over the years. Your love life: well.... You generally have even less figured out at this point or maybe life is just more complicated.

You rarely drink now. I guess it was just a college thing. You do graduate in 2009 but after an additional summer semester. You couldn't afford to be one of those career students anyway. You fail the class of the first teacher you ever truly dislike. You hate your degree now too. You've effectively not used it since you graduated. All those letters you send out for jobs don't help. Maybe send more. Maybe sooner.

You'll have one girlfriend in the 5 years and it'll be long distance... again. It won't last long but you never ask for much so you don't regret the experiential surplus. You've suppressed most of whatever romanticism was left in you and haven't sought a relationship since. You're trying to figure out you. You'll see a movie called "500 Days of Summer" it becomes your favourite. Along with others like 'High Fidelity', 'J'eux D'enfants', 'Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind' and 'Garden State'. It takes a while for you to notice a pattern. Nowadays you crush on women you'll never have a relationship with but you're OK with this. At least you won't ever misplace hopes, you just appreciate the beauty from afar. Tragic, maybe, but you'll understand why.

You've gotten even more reclusive now being away from some of the great people you met in what you'll consider the best 3 years of your life. Nowadays you use fancy words like "introversion" and "introspection" a lot. Going out any at all takes a chunk out of whatever you have saved but you do it anyway. Good on ya. It keeps you sane. Most of the people you know have spread all over the Western Hemisphere. Migrated, working or furthering their education. Old classmates are having kids and getting married too. Crazy ass people.

You start a blog. This one, in fact. It's beautiful and pretty creative, at least to you. It's not read by a whole lot of people but it's your baby. You promise never to completely abandon it and you haven't. You haven't added to it recently but it's always on your mind. You decided to take a 1 month break a while back. It's been 7 months. You have plans now though and this is the first of it all.

You'll buy yourself a pretty great camera in 2010. Not quite a DSLR but it's a start. It has 20X zoom, which is the most amazing thing at the time. No, you've never used it to spy on anybody. Your skills develop gradually and you learn an amazing amount but you haven't met that standard you set for yourself quite yet. You'll continue to master your tool anyway. You'll meet some pretty cool people because of photography. At least online.

One of the jobs you get is as a teacher. I know and yes, I know.Teaching is as bad as you thought it would be but just as you thought, you learned a lot from the whole experience. You dislike teenagers in general even less now. It's weird working alongside the persons who taught you in the realm of awkwardness that was your high school and you never really get comfortable there. It's only temporary so as soon as you're free, you run. You try not to look back but it feels like that place pulls you back in. It's hard to avoid it.

By now you're pretty much convinced you have ADD but you've powered through that and read around 5 books this year so far. A new record! You'll soon add some more to that too, I'm sure. Maybe you'll write some more - create more in general. That's the plan at least.

You're half on a panic attack every time you truly look at the state of your life though. It's hard. Your mind feels like a storm sometimes. but you're still here and you can still make some big change or choice or... something. After all, you're 24 now. That should mean something, right?

I should probably close with some advice. You won't follow it but it won't hurt to write it down anyway. Nothing specific, just general life stuff: Smile more. You'll be able to do that on demand by the time you have to take your graduation picture. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Stop being so calculated and exaggerate a little now and then. Sleep more but wake up before noon. Eat more fruits and vegetables. Remember the mantra: "This too shall pass".

See you in 5 years,

Now Playing
Frank Ocean - 'White'

"...I forget 23, like I forget 17...", Frank Ocean's pretty cool. You'll like him

Sunday, February 19, 2012


Filling space in the jamaicanblogger tweet

I'm saved... I'm ashamed... I'm awake... I'm afraid... I'll wait. Burning metamorphosis. Not quite that of a pheonix but one much less majestic and helpless. That's what I hear in this week's song, Wild Beasts' 'Burning'. Thoughtful Sunday.

Burning by Wild Beasts on Grooveshark

think ALL the thoughts!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Good Ol' Tunnel Vision

I keep forgetting to do this
You know what the Soft Sweet Slow Song Sundays have been missing? Harps! And that's exactly what I have for you. This week's SSSSS feature is Active Child's 'You Are All I See'. Happy Sunday!

You Are All I See by Active Child on Grooveshark

LUVSTEP 3 - Feb 14!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

I Will Find You

I Charlyne Yi. She's is unapologetic in her awkwardness, funny in a weird way and 100% awesome. I'm more apologetically awkward than not so I look up to her and I'm embracing it more. She's also in quite a few of my favourite movies.

On top of all that she's a musician too! She recently uploaded a 'music video' for one of her songs on Youtube and I instantly decided that it must be featured! The cherry on top is it's free to download! I present to you this week's Soft Sweet Slow Song Sunday feature: Charlyne Yi's 'Reincarnation'. Enjoy and check out the rest of Sounds Volume II. Indie/folk goodness!

the video quality really is horrible tho

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Someone out of Town

Falling in love remotely is something I'm definitely not foreign to. I didn't have as much apprehension about meeting a "stranger" as I probably should have but... I didn't die. Maybe it's because I'm a guy or maybe because I'm naive. Doesn't matter now.

This week's SSSSS feature is the enchanting Yuna and her song Someone Out of Town. An artist I may or may not possibly have a crush on.


Sunday, January 22, 2012

Higher Love

Who reads this stuff?
Now this right here is a cover! The original may have been right for the time and is a fun upbeat track but this version transcends it (in my humble opinion, of course).

This week's Soft Sweet Slow Song Sunday feature is James Vincent McMorrow's cover of Steve Winwood's 'Higher Love'. McMorrow slows it down and tenderizes it. Kudos to the Irishman.

Higher Love by James Vincent McMorrow on Grooveshark
Why no, there isn't a 'love' theme

Sunday, January 15, 2012

You Make Me Want to Sing About Love

Butterflies and ting

Smitten, wanting to sing  on sight. So completely enamored and everybody tells you to hold your horses, you're going too fast. That's the gist of today's ear candy.

This week's Soft Sweet Slow Song Sunday features Rumer and her single Slow. A song about butterflies, that gives me butterflies.

Oh lawd, easy jazz

Friday, January 13, 2012

Lonely vs Alone

You know what's the worst kind of loneliness? My guess is that it's the loneliness of an introvert. The loneliness of someone who can feel alone in a crowd. The sad thing is that the introvert tends to steadily build a wall around them, so if one starts digging themselves into a lonely hole, they might start to lose themselves.

The solution: learn how to be alone again. Yes, you're there already but you're doing it wrong. If you learn to be content with yourself, you'd be surprised at how those walls will break down. They'll deteriorate and fall because you won't need them anymore. You'll rise from that hole and you'll learn how to be happy with yourself alone and be happy with yourself alone, in a crowd.

You're never alone in being alone

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Holidays are for Us


Another Sunday, another song. And yes, there is no video this week, you shall not be spoiled!. It just happened that the other songs I wanted to share conveniently had good music videos.

This week I'm sharing Lips and her song "Everything to Me". Reminding us that a holiday is even more important when you share your life with someone. Happy Sunday.

Everything to me by Lips on Grooveshark

Nope. Got nothin'

Sunday, January 1, 2012

What's in the Box?!

I leave hidden messages for all of you followers.

Just a Band released another music video! It's actually a collaboration for BLNRB, a project between artistes from the Berlin and Nairobi music scene with the video made by Just a Band. 

The real story seems guarded by the creators but features a mysterious concealed object much like Pulp Fiction or Se7en. The female aggressor and the Chinese(?) fusion even seems Tarantino-esue. If anybody could provide a translation(please) maybe a bit more of the story could be revealed.

It's a few months old and they actually released one more since then but I've been playing it on repeat recently so why not feature it for this week's Soft Sweet Slow Song Sunday. Plus it was uploaded on my birthday last year so that was pretty awesome. Anyway, Happy New Year!

Tell ME!


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